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Everything hurts.
I dont want this. This pain. This awkward hate toward each other. This distain we’ve put upon ourselves.
I just want to talk. Like normal. Forget everything and say ‘hi, sorry things got all fucked up, but i still love you and its both our faults we got here. But now lets fix it’.
I keep waiting for that, knowing it wont come.
I moved past the hurt, the angst and the sad part to just acceptance. I know what happened. That its not just one sided and that I did hurt you. But without the chance to redeem myself, it will just be a sad farce to our relationship.
I miss you. Not the way things ended, but I miss laying in the dark, hearing you breathe. I miss falling asleep with your hand in mine. I miss the way you walk, the way your hair smells. I miss the sound of your laugh and the look you gave me when you got mad.
I miss the little things. The big things.
The thing I miss the most is the way I cant call you and tell you I love you.
Thats the hardest part of all of this. Seeing you and having to refrain from feeling anything. It makes my heart ache.
I got your messages. You and I have severed ties and I get that. But im not just a random guy. Not a fleeting person you dated and its over. We have a real love. Always have and always will, and everyone knows it.
Ill miss you, like ive missed you every night for months.
Sweet dreams, K, where ever you are.
Love forever and always, T.
